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Who is going to be invited to the wedding? It’s crucial for the two most important people - the bride and groom - to brainstorm the wedding guest list first. Sit down together early in the proceedings and make a list of the key members from both families that you would wish to share your special day with.

Next, where applicable, add those family members that you know you ought to include, whether you like it or not! Now note down close friends and acquaintances that you and your partner would like to be present and finally tally up the total.

Conjure up your dream wedding

Whatever the numbers on your projected list, several matters immediately arise which are best discussed between yourselves before well-meaning friends and family inundate you with ideas and advice.

• What sort of wedding would you really like - intimate, showy, rustic, smart? The options are endless. However, it’s essential that the two of you have a clear idea right from the beginning of the style of celebration you are aiming for.

 

• In the interests of common sense it’s best to nip wild flights of fancy in the bud. How does your dream wedding match with what you can afford?

 

• Finally the nub of the issue: how does your dream wedding match with your roughly outlined wedding guest list?

Match your dream wedding with your potential wedding guest list

How does your outline wedding guest list match up with your ideal wedding plan? Is it a good fit? Perhaps you want an intimate wedding and your immediate family on both sides is small. With careful trimming and some hard thinking, you may well be almost there. However, if you want an intimate wedding and you have a huge wraggle-taggle raucous family to include, you have some hard negotiating ahead!

I suspect that most couples will find that they have a fair amount of juggling to do. There will be some compromises to be made down the road if your special day is to go swimmingly. Start right now, just the two of you, and hammer out a realistic, affordable scenario that won’t offend the family and comes somewhere near your heart’s desire.

The budget-led wedding guest list

If impecunity is a major issue, prune the guest list drastically now. There is a direct correlation between the cost of a wedding and the number of guests invited. Limit the invitations to your closest friends and immediate family. There are plenty of delightful small hotels that offer good deals for small wedding parties which will provide excellent atmosphere and a great backdrop for a civil ceremony, drinks reception and wedding breakfast. With a bit of luck the cost won’t break the bank, and you will still be able to afford that dress you’ve set your heart on and something of a honeymoon, too.

Hire a village hall or similar for the evening. Invite the rest of your friends and family to this evening celebration. Share out the required food and drink between them, and ask them to bring their contribution as a wedding present. Ask friends to provide the music for you. Check out Hop Till You Drop Wedding Music Agency’s advice on how to organise budget wedding music . You’ll have a splendid time without completely emptying your purse.

The family led wedding guest list

For two pins, you’d hop in the car and drive to Gretna Green and get it all done and dusted without the fuss! It’s a nice thought, but you’ll regret it later. If you’re the one with the wraggle-taggle raucous family, they have to be included - somehow. In this case the key to it is to control the guest list. Here’s one possible solution. Getting married abroad seriously limits the guest list - and nothing needs to be said at all! Have the intimate romantic wedding of your dreams on a Caribbean beach with just your nearest and dearest present.

You can always throw a huge rambunctious celebratory party when you get back that will please the hoi polloi.

Discuss the wedding guest list with both sides of the family

When you’ve put together your own realistically-based ideas for your ideal wedding day, it’s time to sit down with both sides of the family and hear their ideas about who should come to your wedding. Try to avoid arguments. Always listen carefully to all that is suggested, even if the ideas are complete anathema to you. The best form of conflict management is to think of a compromise that will allow those with strong ideas some of what they would like without being deflected from the style (and size) of wedding you’ve set your heart on.

Start planning your wedding guest list early, and allow plenty of time for family-wide discussion so that ideas have time to gestate, compromises can be formulated and, if feathers are ruffled on the way, there is enough time and space for everyone to settle down and get used to the final outcome.

The key to successfully planning the wedding guest list in summary? Sort out your ideal wedding guest list with your partner, before involving anyone else, right at the beginning of your wedding plans. Relate it directly to the budget you know will be available for your wedding.

When you have a clear idea of what you would both like, involve both sides of the family, allowing plenty of time to resolve possible conflicts. Don’t go head to head. Always try and find a compromise that will please as many people as possible without deviating too far from own your original ideas.

Follow this outline and you can look forward to a happy wedding day!